


Orbits of the Moon

by lonelycrescent



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Anger projection, Apologies, Canon Universe, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, M/M, Mutual Pining, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV Tsukishima Kei, Tsukishima Kei is Bad at Feelings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-15 17:54:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,809
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29440059
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lonelycrescent/pseuds/lonelycrescent
Summary: Kageyama looks at Tsukishima right in the eye. “And if I tell you they do? If I tell you they hurt me more than they should, what would you do, Tsukishima?”“Kageyama—”“Why did it take such a long time for you to accept that I’m not who I was anymore?”In which Tsukishima Kei thinks he has gotten himself and the rest of the world convinced that he hates Kageyama Tobio, and he used to really do. But as the years pass and the lines start to blur, he realizes that the only thing he hates about (loving) him is the fact that he cannot have him.
Relationships: Kageyama Tobio/Tsukishima Kei
Comments: 6
Kudos: 40





	Orbits of the Moon

**Author's Note:**

> Will be adding tags as the chapters get published! But rest assured, no archive warnings will apply until the end of the story.
> 
> Enjoy!

It all starts in the final year of middle school: Amemaru’s Tsukishima Kei faces Kitagawa Daiichi’s Kageyama Tobio in a volleyball match. The game was impersonal and quick, and Tsukishima’s team easily loses, having no chance against Kageyama and his team’s aggressive plays.

To Kageyama, Tsukishima’s face was as forgettable as the meal he had earlier in the day, but to Tsukishima, Kageyama was everything that reminded him of his brother Akiteru’s betrayal and more. Even so, he cannot help but remember the way obsidian hair flowed with the wind and the way dark blue eyes burned with the desire to win.

It was confusing, for a 15 year old who was taught as a child that boys were supposed to like girls, to remember the color of this boy’s eyes as if it were an exciting historical trivia. No matter, though, because as soon as Tsukishima learned the existence of these feelings, he immediately crushed them in the palm of his hands, convincing himself that Kageyama’s only unforgettable because he’s the most irritating person he’s ever met his whole life.

Of all the things Tsukishima Kei hated, it was overly misplaced passion and talented people who think they're above everyone else. Kageyama Tobio was a lot of both.

Still despite all his self- proclaimed hate, he didn’t understand why he found himself watching Kageyama’s final game as Kitagawa Daiichi’s setter.

Kageyama’s downfall was a painful thing to watch, even for Tuskishima’s standards. It was heartbreaking, seeing someone set the ball with so much passion, only to get humiliated and benched because no one wanted to play with him anymore. But despite feeling a little pity for the genius setter, Tsukishima gives himself a pat on the shoulder for being right yet again.  _ See,  _ affirms,  _ this is what passion will alway lead to. _

Tsukishima walks away from the match without a word, relieved that this will be the last time he will ever see Kageyama again.

  
  


The following year, Tsukishima goes to Karasuno High. He tells himself he chose that school because it’s the closest one to their home, but even he knows that that reason covers only half the truth.

Everybody’s required to join a club, and Tsukishima joins the volleyball team because he’s got nothing better to do with his time. Like his reasons for joining Karasuno, it was also half the truth and half the lies, but he doesn’t have time to think about his own denial when Kageyama Tobio stands before him once again, this time in the same uniform, on the same side of the court.

Black hair, blue eyes. Exactly as he remembers them to be.

But Tsukishima reminds himself how much he hated Kageyama and his misplaced  _ passion _ , so despite all the deep ocean blue eyes in the world, he expresses his disdain by calling him the nickname “King”, a title he knew Kageyama didn’t like to be called by.

Tsukishima makes sure to make his displeasure known through insults and provocations both in and out of the court. The more he says them out loud, the more he believes they are true.

Kageyama’s not one to back down as well, having his own string of profanities ready for retaliation against Tsukishima’s piercing words. But as weeks go by, they’re forced to play nice with each other, and for the most part, they do. Tsukishima fulfills his role as Karasuno’s wall, trying to keep up with everyone despite his weak stamina. He expects Kageyama to play as he did during his time as the King of Kitagawa Daiichi— bossy, arrogant, rude— but to his surprise, he doesn’t. Kageyama stays in his lane and plays by the rules of the game, and Tsukishima’s mildly surprised by this change.

By the time they faced Aoba Johsai for the second time during their first year, Kageyama’s King of the Court no more, and as Tsukishima realizes his  _ own  _ passion for the sport during their match against Shiratorizawa, he begins to understand Kageyama a little.

During their first match against Inarizaki, Kageyama starts to throw demanding sets again, but unlike his previous teammates in Kitagawa Daiichi, Karasuno High, including Tsukishima, tries to match his passion with theirs. It was all hard work, sweat, and muscle, but they made it work, and as they go through each game, Tsukishima finds himself respecting Kageyama’s abilities as a setter and a teammate more and more.

Over time, the resolve to hate him gets weaker everyday, until one random day during their second year, all the insults just get stuck in his throat as he finally accepts it: Kageyama’s changed, and it’s time for him to do so too.

His best friend Yamaguchi notices the change in Tsukishima first. He asks him about it during one of their training breaks.

“Say, Tsukki,” he starts, voice a little teasing, “Since when did you stop calling Kageyama-kun “King?”

Tsukishima’s long been done with denial. He’s been through it in middle school and in his first year in Karasuno, and he’s sick of the person he became trying to keep up with all the pretenses. So he responds to Yamaguchi with a surprisingly honest answer, eyes straying to where Kageyama’s currently resting across the court: “There’s nothing more to hate.”

Not a long while later, Kageyama brings it up next. It was in the middle of one of their practice games with Fukurodani that Tsukishima injured his fingers from blocking one of Koutarou Bokuto’s powerful spikes. As he sits on the floor trying (and failing) to tape up his fingers on his own, a shadow looms over his form, and a hand snatches the tape away from him.

Kageyama squats in front of him, giving him that signature annoying, unreadable blank expression. “Oi, Tsukishima, if you can’t do it, just ask for help.”

A scowl makes his way into Tsukishima’s face. Not hating Kageyama anymore doesn’t mean he’s also lost the capability to be irritated with him. “I can do it on my own,  _ that’s  _ why I’m not asking for help.”

“Sure you can, injured-shima.”

To Tsukishima’s surprise, Kageyama sits down and takes Tsukishima’s injured hand into his own, and undos the ugly patch up job that Tsukishima’s attempted to do earlier.

In a burst of humiliation and something else he can’t name, Tsukishima tries to take his hand back from his teammate. “What the hell are you doing, Kageyama?!”

But Tobio only keeps a firm grasp on Tsukishima’s hands as he proceeds to tape up Tsukishima’s ring and pinky fingers together.

“I’ve been waiting for you to stop calling me that stupid nickname,” Kageyama earnestly admits, “I feel lighter now that it’s gone.”

Tsukishima fails to read the room. He taunts Kageyama like he always does. “You were waiting for me? Why? Did my words mean that much to you?”

The tape snaps broken, but Kageyama’s palms stay firmly in place. Kageyama grips Tsukishima’s palm a little tighter, as if trying to prove a point.

He looks at Tsukishima right in the eye. “And if I tell you they do? If I tell you they hurt me more than they should, what would you do, Tsukishima?”

“Kageyama—”

“Why did it take such a long time for you to accept that I’m not who I was anymore?”

And just like that, Kageyama lets go of his hand and walks away.

Did he just… unknowingly hurt an innocent person because he can't deal with his own wounds properly?

For the first time in his life, Tsukishima feels truly  _ sorry _ .

But he doesn’t apologize right away, nor does he magically change his attitude towards Kageyama overnight. No, he lets himself wallow in guilt first, and then, he decides to resolve his own issues by confronting Akiteru. After resolving his own issues, Tsukishima gets to work.

His attempts at repentance start out in the little things: He pats Kageyama's back when he gives him a good set that earns them a point, earning a wide-eyed stare from the setter himself. He doesn't say anything, just proceeds to look ahead, and he thinks he's done a good job when he sees understanding dawn on Kageyama's (beautiful) face.

Soon enough, he starts patting Kageyama's back even when he gives a set to other players. It became such a routine that Kageyama subconsciously started looking for the hand that served as a compliment to his skills.

Not that he needed it, anyway. Tsukishima knows that Kageyama's already aware of his own strength. But he gives it to him still, as a temporary substitute for the apology that just won't form on his lips.

During their 3rd year at Karasuno, Tsukishima had changed so much so that he and Kageyama had begun to develop an easy friendship that allowed more room for friendly intimacy outside the court.

Kageyama would be the one to tape Tsukishima's injured fingers together, and Tsukishima would help Kageyama with his english assignments. Sometimes, after school hours, they would let Hinata and Yamaguchi go on their way home first, and they would stay at Ukai-sensei’s humble store, eating unhealthy dinners over comfortable silences. Things were changing between them, he knows. But Tsukishima refuses to acknowledge it, until, one afternoon, he is forced to do so.

They were practicing serves that day, and just like all the other days before, Tsukishima finds himself sneaking glances at Kageyama to watch his service routine. Usually, when he’s in the best condition to play, Kageyama would stare blankly at his hands and he would comment quietly about how good they feel that day. And then a single deep breath that would signify another service ace.

Today though, he sees none of that routine in Kageyama as he observes him from the other side of the court. Instead of laser focused deep ocean blue, he sees eyelids fluttering open and close, pale lips and sweaty skin obvious despite the dimming afternoon light.

He’s just barely finished making his observations, but Tsukishima already finds himself running at lightning speeds towards Kageyama, arriving just in time to catch him in his arms.

Kageyama slumps on him in an ungraceful embrace, and they both fall to the floor. With Kageyama’s burning forehead resting on Tsukishima’s neck, his shivering arms gripping Tsukishima’s sweater in a silent plea for help, Tsukishima loses all his calm and panics, shouting at Yamaguchi to  _ help me bring him to the clinic right now! _

After entrusting an unconscious Kageyama to the doctor and making sure he would be fine, Tsukishima steps out of the clinic in a daze, finally accepting after all these years that that he has, in fact,  _ liked _ the boy with obsidian hair and dark blue eyes since he first laid his eyes upon him.

He runs his hands through his hair in defeat. There’s no use in denying it anymore, no use in smothering these emotions in his hands, not when he just lost his shit just because Kageyama had a  _ fever _ . Not even Shiratorizawa’s Ushijima Wakatoshi’s deadly southpaw spikes nor Inarizaki’s Suna Rintarou’s flexible hits has broken his facade like this.

Only Kageyama had the power to break him like this.

A fleeting fear crosses his mind as he realizes he lives in a country where people his sexual orientation aren’t openly accepted. But nevermind what people will be thinking. At the age of 18,Tsukishima has learned to stop caring for anyone's opinions unless they’re directly involved in his life. The only opinion that matters right now, is the opinion of the person who’s currently resting in the clinic.

However, they were graduating soon, and he hasn't even apologized for all the hurt he has caused way back when they were still freshmen. How will he be able to come up with a confession when he can't even force out an apology even after all these years?

Yamaguchi and Ukai-sensei decided to wait with him so they could take Kageyama home together. After half an hour of waiting, the door to the clinic opens once more, and the doctor comes out and asks the three of them, “Which one of you is Tsukishima?”

Tsukishima stands in affirmation. “I am, sensei.”

The doctor smiles. “You better come in then, Tsukishima-kun. Kagayama’s fever has finally gone down and he just woke up, but he’s been only calling your name for some reason.”

The doctor invites him into the clinic, towards one of the beds where Kageyama’s currently resting.

Sitting down on the available chair beside Kageyama, Tsukishima waits in silence for what Kageyama has to say.

“No one else in the team noticed,” Kageyama starts, looking away from him in embarrassment, “so I thought I was doing a good job at hiding. How were you able to know?”

Tsukishima shrugs, trying to seem nonchalant, as if he didn’t just accept he’s had a long time crush on Kageyama since fucking middle school. “I just did. With you looking like a suffocating fish, who would not know? I just happened to accidentally look your way when you were about to fall.”

“Accidentally, huh? Then I’m thanking you accidentally as well, accident-shima.”

“Even with a fucking fever, you’re still so annoying.”

“So? You don’t mind anyway.”

“Tch.”

Tsukishima lets Kageyama rest his eyes once more. Before Kageyama can completely fall asleep, though, Tsukishima cups his face gently, as he speaks in a hushed voice, “Take care of yourself, Kageyama. I won’t be there the next time you collapse from exhaustion.”

Kageyama’s eyes flutter open, and he puts his palm on top of Tsukishima’s. “Where will you be?”

“I will be here in Miyagi, but you won’t be.”

“And if I want to be in Miyagi?”

“Miyagi is too small for big dreams like yours.”

“Miyagi doesn’t deserve me.”

They aren’t talking about Miyagi anymore, that’s for sure. Both of them know this. Years of staying by each other’s side let them read each other like their favorite bedtime stories that they’ve memorized down to the last line back when they were still kids.

He reads in between Kageyama’s lines like all the times he did before, and he finds himself agreeing with him. 

“No, it doesn’t.”

  
  


On the day of their graduation ceremony, Tsukishima, Kageyama, Yamaguchi, Hinata, and Yachi meet up in front of the school gates to bid each other goodbyes.

Hinata and Yachi are bawling their eyes out, incredibly sad at this inevitable parting, while Yamaguchi tries to be strong, still assuming the role of the Captain even though their game days are long over.

Tsukishima and Kageyama didn't shed tears, but they were the ones who gave the tightest hugs out of all of them. Tsukishima takes them into his arms, one by one, whispering a brief but sincere thanks to each of his friends. 

He embraces Hinata first, and then, Yachi, and then Yamaguchi. When it's turn to embrace Kageyama, Tsukishima lets his eyes linger on Kageyama's blue ones, and after a moment's pause, he grabs Kageyama by the arm and pulls him in the tightest embrace he could ever give to someone in this lifetime.

Before he knows it, the words finally spill from his lips: "I'm sorry. And I'm sorry it took this long to say so."

For several heartbeats, neither of them move, but then he feels strong arms embrace him back, and he hears words soft and sweet come out from Kageyama's lips, "I know. You've shown it a million times before."

Tsukishima finally feels light and grateful at Kageyama's absolution, and he wants to cry at finally being forgiven. He breathes a little easier, and hugs Kageyama a little tighter.

But despite everything, he knows he wants to receive more than just forgiveness from Kageyama. Tsukishima knows exactly what he wants, and knows he can blurt it out  _ right now _ , while they're still in this embrace, while he's still sure no one else would be able to hear but them.

But he remembers blue eyes that look at volleyball with so much devotion and love, and he realizes that Kageyama has no space for anything else in his heart, no space for romances and nights of passion and mornings sleeping in, because he's already set his whole like in stone with only one thing on his mind. And that one thing, Tsukishima knows, isn’t him.

With a heavy heart, he disentangles himself from their embrace, swallowing the confession that almost, almost made its way out of his throat.

And so it ends in the final year of high school: Karasuno's Tsukishima and Karasuno's Kageyama finally part their ways after years of standing beside each other on the court. It was personal and slow, and, like all the other times before, Tsukishima’s love stood no chance against Kageyama’s dreams at all.

...Or so he thinks.

  
  


Because, not even months after they head on to their separate ways, everything begins again.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading. Your comments and kudos would mean a lot to me.
> 
> I post updates about my works on [Twitter!](https://twitter.com/achoomiya) I also have an ongoing krtsk filo sns AU in there, so please do check it out if you’re into krtsk <3


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